Dear Diary,
How's the sem break doing for you, Diary? We haven't gotten in touch for a while since I'm also working on other blog posts. Don't fret though, this post will be a good personal one. I promise.
It occurred to me that I have a fixed face that's either dead serious or freakishly happy. To back this fact up I have two artists in music I am a fan of:
TRICKY
&
APHEX TWIN (As seen in Fictional Fear Factors)
So Diary, what does these two have in connection with my face you ask? A LOT.
Anyway Diary, besides this face preset I have, I am also a social introvert; basically, a guy who can hang with others but prefers to be alone. Why?
I usually speak in English back then, in an environment of provincial and local students. Due to this, I am not often listened to. Even in high school, when I learned to grasp Tagalog I couldn't get anyone to take me seriously. You see, I was always seen back then as an English-speaking, goody two-shoes, tall nerd who hasn't uttered a single curse or bad word. It wasn't all bad, in fact, I was the teachers' pet and the sisters' future-priest (Catholic school) without even trying.
After my valedictory speech (might as well be proud of it), I made a promise to myself. I will listen attentively to anyone speaking so that they won't feel what I felt when I wasn't listened to. Lastly, I won't talk to anyone unless they talk to me. If you won't listen, I might as well save my breath and spit for someone who deserves it.
So that's what society did to me back then, Diary. Learned helplessness. I learned to stop speaking and save my voice for those who are actually listening. In retrospect, it may also be a lingering fear of social rejection and alienation. Is it wrong if I do not want other people to know me better since I am sparing them from the most uninteresting and boring person of their lives?
I speak more Tagalog nowadays but I still keep my English accent in case I need it. It's very handy for establishing professional rapports, presenting oral reports, interviews, drama and the theater, and voice-acting. If you want a sampler of my voice, watch The Park Bench produced and animated by Trevor Viloria.
Oh well... I hope I can get over this social dilemma soon, Diary. It's now 12:48 AM, one hour since I started. I should get some shut-eye. For now, I am really thankful for my family and friends. Thanks guys for coping with my dullness. I'm really glad that I don't waste anything when I talk to you guys.
I guess I need someone to talk to and I am beyond willing to listen. That's why I got you, Diary...
Bittersweet, ain't it?
Bittersweet, ain't it?
Sincerely mine,
Me and My Big Mouth
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