Today, I'll be shining the light on dem chairs. I mean, what is up with those deceiving booby traps rigged to make anyone lazy at the mere sight of it? "Have a seat, relax, take the load off, let your bottom kiss me..." it says. More like, "Do not stand, become lazy, let go of all your problems, @#&@^$*#&(*)." I don't trust dem chairs, benches, bleachers, seats, couches, swings, or any other member of their family tree...
I'm guessing this is the part where I enumerate my pointless reasons for dissing said object in the first place:
1. Chairs... are just too tempting. The slightest sight of such can capture a man's strength and convert it to utter indolence. This is proven by the trademark people who prefer to sit in their chairs as they move it around the room. Curse the normal chairs for making quite a noise as well as the wheeled ones for reinforcing sitting!
2. Chairs are enemies of standing. What's wrong with standing? Standing is healthy yet effortless exercise. You exert way more energy to sit down since there is so much strain in you lower body when bending down to sit let alone maintaing one's proper posture while sitting down. Furthermore, if you accustom yourself with the improper posture, you even risk yourself to arthritis, scoliosis, and such. That's a double-win for standing.
3. Chairs require raw materials such as wood, plastic, cloth, or steel to make. Standing is ecologically friendly and economically reasonable. No "whatevers" were harmed while someone stands. Unless you count the ground harmed for being stepped on, or gravity having a hard time pulling someone down... As for sitting, anyone who sits on a chair is held responsible for any animal killed, tree chopped down, smoke-belching factory built, financially-challenged worker fired, ozone hole present, and economical decline throughout history since chairs existed.
4. Chairs ruin the human evolutionary trait of using one's feet and legs. According to Darwin's theory of use and disuse, the more you use a body part, the more it grows and vice versa. The use of our thumbs made it an exceptional asset which puts the entire animal kingdom to shame. As for sitting down, we neglect the use of our feet and legs, so the future of humankind might be legless slackers of our former selves. Standing uses the whole body fighting against the pull of gravity.
5. The chair prevents people from taking a stand! You really can't argue with this reason. It's true at some degree. Though it is completely irrelevant to the topic at hand, I found it uncannily fitting.
Well, is that enough information chumps? "Chair" this blessing of knowledge and pass it to anyone who can't stand sitting. Take a stand today! Chairs are only useful if you stand on them! Better still if you don't get a chair in the first place.
P.S. This blog post was made standing. Mostly 'coz there were no chairs around.
P.P.S. I'm lying on my P.S.
P.P.P.S. Beds are a different story...
No comments:
Post a Comment